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And now we come to the ExcitingWriting Advisory you have all been waiting for, my foray into serial commas. Want to know what is the proper way to write lists of things? Here is my answer.
–Chuck Lustig

Yes, but, except in some cases!
Let’s go back to Genesis: In the beginning there was the word “and,” and it was good. For example, “I like Adam and Eve and Abel and Cain.” In a world with the word “and,” there is no need for commas.

Everything was perfect. Then someone decided using “and” between a series of things is boring and repetitious. And somebody invented commas. Thus, the use of commas between listed items along with a single “and” before the last item was born:

I like Adam, Eve, Abel, and Cain. (Notice the comma before the “and.”)

Then we moved into the modern world and things became even more complicated. For example, someone came up with lists of multiple-word items:

“Ingredients of Gina’s sweet and savory brisket include: one beef brisket, one cup of ketchup, one-quarter cup of grape jelly, one envelope of onion soup mix, and one-half teaspoon of pepper.”

Those commas are crucially important for clarity. Imagine making sense of the sentence above without commas:

“Ingredients of a sweet and savory brisket include: one beef brisket one cup of ketchup one-quarter cup of grape jelly one envelope of onion soup mix and one-half teaspoon of pepper.

So, it became established that using a comma before the “and” and the last item, begot clarity and avoided confusion. And it was good.

Then The Associated Press was formed in 1846; it issued its first style guide 100 years later, directly after World War II. In order to save space in news dispatches, the AP Style Guide advised dropping the final comma in a series of simple items. For example:

“I ate crackers, peanuts and milk.”

Fine. We could live with that complexity. But problems began to crop up when well-meaning people began to assume mistakenly that the final comma should never be used, even in complex series.

Today’s AP Stylebook and other style guides support the use of commas in complex series. What is a complex series? A series in which each item includes more than one word. For example:

“Many people are fond of claiming that elections are an indicator of democracy, but, in fact, rule of law, private ballot, the right to due process, and the right to a speedy and open trial are all hallmarks of a democracy.”

If you are writing business communications or writing for the press, you should skip the comma before the last item in the simple series (to be in agreement with the AP Stylebook) but if you are writing a complex series, don’t forget the final comma!

Even if you work in academia, you should retain that final comma, unless your institution or department requires otherwise. Use of the final comma is usually expected: For example, William Strunk and E.B. White in their famous Elements of Style say the final comma is necessary in any series, even simple series: “drills, nails, and hammers,” for example.

By the way, if you are writing a novel, you get to decide important questions like that for yourself!

A Note about Last Month’s EWA
Last month’s EWA on apostrophes brought an interesting response from Tom Schneider who wrote:

You are right about it being old fashioned or incorrect to write, “CD’s in the 1990′s,” etc. I don’t like apostrophes that could show possession to be used to show plurals. Thus, to my mind, you should write, “This CD’s wrapper is impossible to get off!” but not, “CD’s wrapped in cellophane drive me insane!”

The potential apostrophe situation I always agonize over is “dos and don’ts.” “Dos” just doesn’t look right and it stops you before you read to “dont’s” and understand what it means. I resist the urge to insert an apostrophe, but I am never entirely happy with my decision.

The ExcitingWriting Adviser answers: Don’t agonize. Avoid using that expression. It comes from a former time when we used to write, “CD’s in the 1990′s.” Instead, use “Best practices” and “Avoid, if possible!”

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes,
One foul is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it: English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren’t invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor it is a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing?
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
Committed to an asylum for the verbally insane!

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a drive way and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and fat chance be the same?
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which,
Your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if father is a pop, how come mother is not mop?

The function of the semicolon is in bringing two clauses together in a relationship but not necessarily specifying what the relationship is. The relationship happens in readers’ heads; that is the beauty of the semicolon.
Consider this sentence:

The credit markets are reeling over the sub-prime debacle; more economists are predicting a credit crunch, if not a recession.

The causal relationship is implied. I like semicolons because they enable a writer to use those relationships to weave subtext; they also make careful reading more rewarding.

For a moment, allow me to digress and comment on something called “comma splices.” When I taught writing at the college level, students seemed to be hooked on comma splices. What is a comma splice? Here’s an example:

When my father was a boy, Studebakers were the cars everybody loved to hate, they would overheat in traffic and mechanics were hard to come by.

Comma splices are grammatically incorrect and annoying to read. They give me the impression that the writer does not know where one clause ends and the next begins.

Look at the difference a semicolon makes:

When I was a boy, Studebakers were the cars everybody loved to hate; they would overheat in traffic and mechanics were hard to come by.

My point: Those of you who love shaking comma sprinkles on your ice cream should try sprinkling semicolons for a refreshing change of pace.

I often see semicolons used with transition words such as however, on the other hand, moreover, thus and therefore.

I saw him at the store; however, he didn’t see me.

Transition words ruin what I love about semicolons by making the relationship between the clauses obvious. On the other hand, those transition words can be very useful in business and technical writing because they contribute to readability.

Some punctuation guides say you must always place the semicolon before the transition word; however, Leslie Bivens points out that such a rule is misleading. All three of the examples below are correct:

Example #1: I saw him at the store; however, he didn’t see me.
Example #2: I saw him at the store; he, however, didn’t see me.
Example #3: I saw him at the store; he didn’t see me, however.

Notice how the linking words can be placed at various points in the second clause, yet the semicolon is always placed between the first and second clause.

The second major semicolon use is in a complex series where the semicolon is used to keep hierarchies correct.

Examples of American Gothic architecture can be found in Lenox, Massachusetts; Hampton Roads, Virginia; and Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

When not every item in a series has a modifier, don’t let that throw you. Use the semicolon between all the items in the series.

The group included Bert, IT manager; Sandra; and Jennifer, corporate comptroller.

And now a little bit about the history of the semicolon. First used by a London printer in 1560, Shakespeare’s sonnets employed them regularly. For example, two couplets from one humorous sonnet:

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

And there you have it! My semi-humorous, semi-complete ode to semicolons.

Tom Schneider found two typographical errors. Particularly distressing to me is the fact that I covered both of them in an earlier issue on sound-alike words. Last month I wrote, “slight of hand” when I meant to write “sleight of hand.” I wrote, “assent” (meaning “to agree or concur”) when I meant to write “ascent” (“upward movement”). I don’t think I will make either error again; regardless, my mistakes illustrate the formidable challenges of attempting even minimal mastery of our language.

Tom also pointed out that I had talked about grammar in the introduction of last month’s piece yet had discussed a point of punctuation in the EWA itself. I had always thought punctuation is a subset of grammar, but that is not so. Grammar relates to a system underlying the structure of a language. Punctuation refers to the various marks we use when writing to make the meaning clear. Who knew? Now we know.

Rising Above the Common Comma.

Commas are to writing what fire hydrants are to dogs; they break up the walk, I mean, the writing, into easy portions.

Here are a few things I know about commas:

1. Use of serial commas (or, if you are writing a screenplay, you could call it, “No Country for Old Commas.”): What do I mean by serial commas? “I like X, Y and Z.” “We covered subject A, B and C.” The rule in the AP Style Guide and many other style guides: Use commas between simple serial items but omit the comma between the next-to-the-final item and the word “and.”

If the items in the series are complicated, do not omit the last comma. For example:

The issues in the campaign are the value of the dollar, the rule of law, the failure of foreign policy, and the separation of church and state.

2. Introductory clauses and phrases:

In the middle of the movie, he got up and passed right in front of me.

It doesn?t matter how many words are in the introductory phrase. Use a comma after it and before you start the actual sentence.

Two words:

In 1976,

Three words:

In clear violation,

Four words (or more):

With a full heart,

3. Use commas between two sentences: (Note: When we join two sentences together with a comma and a conjunction, we call them clauses.)

Use this formula:
Clause plus comma plus conjunction (and, but, or, for, nor, so, yet) plus clause. (Don?t forget a period at the end.)

I wanted to walk the dog, but thunderstorms were predicted.

4. Never separate the subject of a sentence from a verb:

The soldiers and the sailors, went for R&R. (Never do that.)

My friend, brother and sister, stayed away. (Never do that.)

5. Use a comma after an introductory phrase and before a quote:

According to the EVP, “Q1 earnings suffered due to supply disruptions.”

6. Use commas between a series of adjectives.

He was the perfect, talented, charming insider.

7. Set off explanatory phrases, called “appositives,” in commas:

The magician, also called a conjurer, works with slight of hand.
The mountain climber, inspired by climbs of people who went before him, plans his next assent next year.
Mark Twain, the once millionaire, was born with the name Samuel Langhorne Clemens.

Here is something interesting I learned about commas:

Have you ever seen slashes used to separate lines of song lyrics? For example:
You are my sunshine/
My only sunshine
Back in the Middle Ages, slashes began to be used in English to make it easier for people to read sentences, to tell readers where to pause, and where to breathe when signing songs.
Commas are the modern-day vestiges of those slashes.

So, this month, every once in a while, look down and smell the common commas. Pick some and sprinkle them on someone you love.

Funny Words

Perspicacity: I love the way this word sounds. It has nothing to do with life in the city. It?s simply the ability to have insight or discernment. From the Latin: per = through + specere = to look.

Cozen: No, it is not a misspelling of the word cousin. Cozen means to deceive and defraud. Interestingly the word comes from Early French cousiner, ?to defraud; literally to claim to be a cousin in order to defraud.? So you could say cozen is first cousin to the word ?cousin.?

Panjandrum: No, this is not the name of a mythical teddy bear or of a feast in India. It was made up by Samuel Foote, who lived in the 1700s, and used it in a piece of entertaining nonsense writing to refer to any petty official who has an inflated view of his importance.

Solecism: This has nothing to do with fish (sole) or a church schism; rather, it is an ill-mannered behavior or nonstandard use of language.

Sciolism: If there were ever an utterly nonessential word, this is it. It comes from Late Latin sciolus meaning ?a smaterer.? It is used to describe a shallow understanding of a subject. For example: ?Attending that school was an exercise in sciolism; nothing was ever probed in depth.?

Valetudinarian: No, this is not the person with the best academic record in a graduating class. It?s a weak or sickly person, particularly one who tends to be a hypochondriac.

Treacle: Contrived or unrestrained overly sweet sentimentality. For example: ?He whispered treacles in her ear.?

Truckle: To do as another instructs; to act in a subservient way. This sounds a little like ?trundle? and in fact derives from a truckle bed, a variant of what we know to be a trundle bed. The truckle tucks in under the master bed and thus is subservient. Example: Facing a powerful foe, he had no choice but to truckle.

Deipnosophist: Someone who is skilled at light banter, particularly during a meal. It derives from the Greek deipnon = dinner + sophistas = a clever person.

Contributed by Chuck Lustig, of ExcitingWriting Communications

Well-formed paragraphs have a unified focus. While reading well-formed paragraphs, you never wonder what their subjects are. Your attention does not wander. Well-formed paragraphs are clearly about one subject. When you read a writer who knows how to write paragraphs with a unified focus, you trust that writer. Perhaps you think, “That person knows what he is writing about.” As a result, writers who know how to do this are more effective writers than those who don’t. They are more persuasive because readers trust them. Trust always precedes influence.

The following paragraph drifts from one surface topic to another. It lacks development. When you’re finished reading it, you hardly know what it is about.

Greek statues were often sculpted to celebrate gods. Some of the more important Greek gods were Zeus, the god of thunder, and Eros, the god of love. People would keep statues in their homes and pray to their favorite gods. Images of these gods were often drawn on urns. Ancient Greeks had a personal relationship with their gods through this artwork.

Do you get the sense that the writer is trying to cover too broad a topic in too few words, and is not up to the task?

The following paragraph is more focused, thus better formed.

Aphrodite was the Greek goddess of beauty, love, pleasure and procreation who lived on Mount Olympus with other Greek Gods. She was depicted as a beautiful woman usually accompanied by the winged Eros, god of love. Symbolic aspects of Aphrodite’s personality included a dove, apple, scallop shell and mirror. In classical sculpture and fresco she was often depicted nude.

You could argue that the subject of that paragraph drifts somewhat. Consider this paragraph. It is even more unified.

Aphrodite was the Greek goddess of beauty, love, pleasure and procreation. It is said Aphrodite could make any man fall in love with her. All they had to do was look at her. By the late 5th Century B.C.E., Aphrodite developed into twin myths. Aprodite Ourania was born from the foam after Cronus castrated Uranus. Aphrodite Pandemos was born from the union of Zeus and Dione. Today, Aphrodite Ourania figures as the celestial Aphrodite, representing the love of body and soul, while Aphrodite Pandemos is associated with mere physical love.

Don’t you get a sense that the writer of the later two paragraphs is in control of his subject? Don’t you trust the writer of the second and third paragraphs more? I submit to you: It’s all because the second and third paragraphs are better formed than the first.

Well-formed paragraphs have a topic sentence that lets you know what they are about. Sometimes the topic sentence is at the beginning of the paragraph; sometimes it is at the end of the paragraph. In those cases it is often called a “clincher” sentence. Sometimes it is somewhere in the middle of the sentence. And sometimes topic sentences of well-formed paragraphs don’t appear in the paragraph; instead, they are implied. Regardless of the kind of paragraph you are writing, the topic sentence (whether present or implied) gives the reader a strong indication of what the paragraph is about and doesn’t leave its meaning to chance.

Paragraphs with topic sentences at the end can be thought of as examples of deductive reasoning. These paragraphs describe a number of facts or thoughts leading overwhelmingly to a conclusion at the end. For example:

The stairway leading up to his room was littered with forgotten grocery bags with unopened food packages; nothing in the room made sense to me, as every inch was cluttered with belongings placed there on a whim in helter-skelter style. I wondered how the disorganization all around him reflected the state of his life and his tenuous grasp of reality.

Paragraphs with topic sentences at the beginning can be thought of as using inductive reasoning. Begin with a topic. Add thoughts (sentences) one after the other that develop the topic and seem to prove or justify the appropriateness of the topic sentence.

After you’ve written a paragraph, ask yourself:

• What is the topic of the paragraph?
• Does it cover more than one topic?
• Does each sentence support the topic?
• Does the paragraph develop to a conclusion?

Well-formed paragraphs develop into something more. There is that word “develop” again. What does it mean for the ideas in a paragraph to “develop?” It means they take flight and become more than what they are. Consider this example, from Stiff by Many Roach, a book about the dead. Facts are woven into an emotional confrontation with the nature of death itself.

“Before the embalming begins, the exterior of the corpse is cleaned and groomed, as it would be were this man to be displayed in an open casket or presented to the family for a private viewing. (In reality, when the students are through, no one but the cremation furnace attendant will see him.) Nicole swabs the mouth and eyes with disinfectant, then rinses both with a jet of water. Though I know the man to be dead, I expect to see him flinch when the cotton swab hits his eye, to cough and sputter when the water hits the back of his throat. His stillness, his deadness is surreal.”

Well-formed paragraphs are not choppy; they have a shape that is both smooth and cohesive. Consider:

“The digital revolution is a conundrum. If you participate in e-commerce over the Web, you give out valuable information about yourself. Without that information, organizations can’t provide you with personalized service. Yet once that information is out, it’s out. How can you be sure sensitive information will be kept safe and not hacked, stolen or given to others without your permission? And how can you be sure that the information you give out won’t end up worsening a condition called information overload? Welcome to the real digital divide, the tug of war between privacy on the one hand and personalized service and information overload on the other. We will discuss the tension between these topics in this white paper, the second in a three-part series.”

“A strong ideological fixation is not a promising basis for a responsible foreign policy. During their first four years, President George W. Bush and his administration made intransigent unilateralism, American exceptionalism and preemptive military action the watchwords of foreign policy, with abysmal results. The position of the United States in the world was drastically weakened. The unique respect and the authority as a world leader that the U.S. had enjoyed since World War II were severely compromised, and the U.S. military establishment was overstretched without achieving any strategic advantage.”

–From “One Angry Man” by Brian Urquhart, New York Review of Books, March 6, 2008.

Three strategies for writing well-formed paragraphs:

Use repetition.

“Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never, in nothing, great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.”
-Winston Churchill, address at Harrow School, October 29, 1941.
(Think of that sentence the next time you consider deleting word you may have repeated just twice for emphasis!)

Use parallel structure.

“In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Good Will.”
–Winston Churchill, The Second World War: The Gathering Storm

Use details.

Someone actually classified the kinds of paragraphs, coming up with descriptors such as: narrative, cause and effect; classification, compare and contrast, classify, definition and descriptive. Ask yourself: What kind of details are most appropriate for each kind of paragraph? What kind of sentence structures are most appropriate to each kind of paragraph? The answers are obvious if you only think about them and then apply them to your writing.

You can overcome this thing called writing, actually succeed at it, if you can concentrate and if you want to succeed at it. The principles of well-formed paragraphs are available to you. Use them!